Therapists and Other Pros

I'll warn you up front that what I will say in this blog will irritate, in fact downright piss off, some people. If you want conventional wisdom and happy thoughts, you'll probably want to forgo this entry and try something different.

Awhile back, I tried talking with therapists for help with, among other things, stress. I don't mind admitting this. I was, for quite a long time, under enough stress that my blood pressure had risen to the point I was bursting blood vessels in the back of my eye....you don't need to be a medical professional to realize that's pretty dang bad, and that you need help (as in drugs) to get the BP down immediately, along with longer term care to reduce or eliminate the stress factor(s) in your life. I did both. The drugs were great---they quickly got the BP down to the point that my optometrist is now a happy camper when she checks my eyes. In the longer term, I also tried working with a couple of healthcare professionals to reduce my stress. Unfortunately, the success I had with the BP drugs did not carry over to therapy.

In talking with one therapist, I felt she was sincere, I felt comfortable with her, and after a year I confessed something to her that was very honest, albeit a bit awkward: As much as a therapist may claim to care about a client, the job is, at the end of the day, a professional relationship and as such does not convey the same meaning as does a friend who is listening to you. I did not mean to insult her, and to her credit she did seem to take it that way: She understood and even agreed that therapists are listening to and attempting to help you in exchange for money. I don't begrudge them a living, but it is important for any client to keep this distinction in mind: Therapists are paid caregivers, not friends. For that matter, a professional relationship with any healthcare provider is just that: Professional. All the glowing words and advertisements aside, it's a job, and they are doing it to earn a living.

In talking over similar problems with a naturopath, I was a bit more flippant as she and I had (I thought) a more casual relationship. I explained that the emotional venting I was doing with her as a healthcare professional was somewhat like the physical relief a man seeks while using a prostitute: In both cases, the client was paying for something that was lacking elsewhere in his life. This sounds extreme, and I certainly am not labelling therapists or counselors or healthcare professionals as prostitutes, but the analogy does, in all honesty, have quite a bit of validity. A man who does not have a sexual outlet (or for whatever reason is not happy with his sexual options) often chooses to solicit a prostitute as a surrogate for his physical needs. Similarly, I would maintain, a person who does not have an emotional release for his problems will likewise often solicit another type of professional as a surrogate for his emotional needs. Nothing tawdry, but I do believe it to be a valid comparison.

I felt somewhat guilty harboring this analogy, until I was talking with a friend recently, and she voiced a similar sentiment. Her words were not as salacious as mine, but her basic belief was indeed the same: If you must pay a professional (therapist, counselor, doctor, whoever) to listen to and care for you, it is simply not as meaningful as somebody who does it gratis, somebody who cares for you as a person without a financial gain to be had. A cup of coffee while listening to a friend's problems carries more weight than does 50 minutes in a therapist's office.

Again, I stress, I'm not begrudging these professionals their living, but if you take away Dr. Joe Gannon's paycheck, even he'd most likely stop his compassionate ways and move on to a different gig. And, just as people are all cut from different cloth, so too are our healthcare professionals: Some are more dedicated to helping for humanistic reasons than are others. Some are more caring and giving than are others.

Rather than an attempt to bash the professionals of the world, I have two different thoughts, one for the "laymen" of the world and the other for the healthcare professionals:

For the laymen out there, look at this as something positive you can offer to the rest of the world. Keep in mind the importance you can have and the difference you can make in a person's life just by being there, by listening, by caring. Degrees, diplomas, pieces of paper on the wall, don't carry as much weight in the grand scheme of things as does giving a damn about another human being. Listen, care, be there, and you would be amazed at the positive influence you can have in a friend's---or even a stranger's---life. (In a later blog, I'll tell you about Roscoe.)

For the healthcare professionals out there, only offer what you can deliver. Don't try to be a caring, supportive anchor, don't profess to be Joe Gannon, if you are going to grow tired of it and let your clients down when they need you the most. Be upfront, be truthful, with your clients. If you offer to go the extra mile for a client, make sure you are willing to go the extra mile, not simply a couple hundred yards. Don't offer support then renege; to do so will violate the trust you have established with your clients.