The Pissoir

I'm going to tattle on myself. I saved a buck today, but I almost wish I had not survived the episode. I normally don't buy into the politically correct notion that "men have all the advantages in this world." I truly think this matter is mixed. Women have the upper-hand with sex, men have the upper-hand with earning power, though men tend to die at a far disproportionate rate in wars and the like. Overall, I'm going to say it's probably equity, parity, though there is one case in which my gender has the clear advantage: The need to, well, wee.

Let's face it, elimination is a basic human need, and for anatomical reasons I will not review here, the need to "wee" is more easily accomplished for men than for women. For that reason (as well as the opined notion that men drink more beer than do women!), society has made it significantly easier for men to, well, do so than for women. London, Amsterdam, Hamburg, and probably other cities all share this one trait: We give men a quick way to relieve urinary pressure, while women are forced to use more traditional (and time-consuming) methods. In London, on the West End nonetheless, one can often find temporary male urinals set up along major footpaths such as the Strand. Yes, you as a man are on your way to see the latest and greatest play, and when nature calls you can simply turn your back and take care of the matter in a state-provided urinal to go. In Amsterdam, as disgusting as this sounds, conical shells allow men to urinate directly into the Amsterdam canal below. (Don't complain to me! I think it's gross as well, though for the government of Amsterdam, a metal shell along with a hole drilled in the concrete above the canal seems to this day to be a legitimate "way to go.") In Hamburg today, rather than pay the $1 cost to relieve my bladder, I instead chose to find a free, public pissoir.

Well, today, the women of the world got their revenge on me. This pissoir, undrained, was without a doubt one of the most disgusting things I have ever experienced in my life. The stench, literally, made me gag, and even as I think of it now, nearly twelve hours later, I feel as if I must vomit.

Next time, this American will pay the buck if necessary....